Programs and Areas

First Year Writing Program

Writing is wordy or “cluttered” if the same idea can be expressed in a shorter sentence.

Eliminate words that say nothing.

Example: Keep this information on file for future reference.
Better: Keep this information for reference.
Even Better: File this information.

Phrases that begin with “there are,” “of,” “that,” and “which” can often be shortened.

Example: There are three reasons for the success of this project.
Better: Three reasons explain the project’s success.

Use gerunds and infinitives to make sentences shorter and smoother.

Gerunds are –ing forms of verbs. (running, talking, etc.)
Infinitives are the “to” form (to run, to talk, etc.)

You can use gerunds and infinitives to replace longer (and usually more awkward) verb phrases.

Example: A plant suggestion has been made where they would purchase a QWIP machine for the purpose of transmitting test reports between plants.

Better: The plant suggests purchasing a QWIP machine to transmit test reports between plants.
Combine sentences to eliminate unnecessary words.

Example: I conducted a survey by telephone on Sunday, April 21. I questioned two groups of upperclassmen—male and female—who, according to the student directory, were still living in the dorms. The purpose of this survey was to find out why some upperclassmen continue to live in the dorms even though they are no longer required by the university to do so. I also wanted to find out if there were any differences between male and female upperclassmen in their reasons for choosing to remain in the dorms.

Better: On Sunday, April 21, I phoned upperclassmen and women living in the dorms to find out 1) why they continue to live in the dorms even tough they are no longer required to do so, and 2) whether men and women had the same reasons for staying in the dorms.

Put the meaning of your sentences into the subject and verb to cut the numbers of words.

Example: The reason we are recommending the computerization of this process is because it will reduce the time required to obtain data and will give us more accurate data.

Better: We are recommending the computerization of this process because it will save time and give us more accurate data.

Even Better: Computerizing the process will give us more accurate data more quickly.

Sample Sentences for revision: (alternatively you could use examples from student writing)

Revise the following sentences for style:

The film and video industry category can specifically be broken down into subsequent industries of motion picture and videotape production, motion picture and videotape distribution, movie houses, and cable and other pay-television services, just to name a few for example.
An important part of implementing a service-oriented strategy is that you’re going to have to increase the number of salespeople in each store.
Capitalism is accompanied by the ideal of freedom as something people should attain.
Our decision to enter Iraq has precedence in past events in American history.
There are many businesses that are very active in community and service work.
The completion of the project requires the collection and analysis of additional data.
The purchase of laser printers will make possible the in-house production of the newsletter.
Some customers are profitable for companies. Other customers actually cost the company money.
The advantage of using color is that the document is more memorable.
It was discussed in this essay by Joe Smith that…

Possible Answers to the Above Samples

The film and video industry category includes production, distribution, movie houses, and cable and other pay-television services.
A service-oriented strategy requires more salespeople in each store.
Capitalism is accompanied by the ideal of freedom.
America’s decision to enter Iraq has precedence.
Many businesses actively participate in community and service work.
Completing the project requires us to collect and analyze additional data.
Purchasing laser printers will enable us to produce the newsletter.
Companies make money from some customers and lose money from others.
Color makes documents more memorable.
Smith argues that…

Have an idea for Tried and True? Send it to fywp@osu.edu!