Programs and Areas

First Year Writing Program

Teaching Resources: Style

Cutting the Fat

Submitted by: Heather Kirn

Note to Instructors: I teach this lesson when I see fit in the quarter. Sometimes I teach it early on when we as a class have nailed down some important macro-level issues, and when we then have the luxury to think on the sentence-level. Sometimes I teach it later, when after reading their drafts, I am desperate for them to more consciously choose active language. Essentially, this lesson gets students to think about their use of verbs and extra verbiage and hopefully learn to revise common “fatty sentences.”

Goal: Students will be able to revise sentences that rely too heavily on the verb of “to be” by identifying and fixing expletive construction, passive voice, and static verb choice.

Materials: “Cutting the Fat” overhead; “Fatty Sentences” handout; one image on overhead.

Writing Analytically Pages: “Style: Shaping Sentences (and Cutting the Fat)” (275-294)

Time Requirements: 65 – 75 minutes

(5 min) Introductory Activity: Ask students to write one paragraph about what they did last weekend. Then have them write another, unrelated paragraph about a complicated concept or rhetorical framework from the most recent readings. Encourage them to complete 5 or so sentences for each paragraph.

(10 min.) Lecture on the types of fatty sentences and identify the kinds based on samples. Be sure to cover the overhead with a sheet of paper and only uncover the relevant material so that students can focus in on the concept you are discussing. (See overhead.)

(10 minutes) Have students look at their paragraphs from the first five minutes of class. Do their sentences fall into any of the “fatty sentence” categories? Do they habitually use similar patterns? How are the two paragraphs different in light of the lecture? In which paragraph did they use “to be” more frequently? (I usually tell students that I see “to be” more frequently in analytical writing where author’s wrestle with challenging concepts versus descriptive or narrative writing, though it can pop up repeatedly in any kind of writing. When ideas are complicated, our writing becomes more easily convoluted, and sometimes we “lose our voices.” That is, we adopt a sterile, impersonal tone. I use this activity as a gauge for them, but also as a mini-experiment for me because I’m personally curious about why and when we use to be verbs as default and fall into boring sentence constructions. I talk to them about this curiosity.)

(15 min.) Using the “Fatty sentences” handout (see handout), practice identifying the problems in a few sample sentences. As a class, ask students to identify the type of the problem that the sentence exemplifies. Ask for suggestions to fix the sentences. Discuss the improvements. Do a few as a class, and then have students practice independently. (Note: There’s really no need to do all 13 in class, but students can take them home and practice further.) After students do a few more independently, come together as a class and discuss a few more.

(15 minutes) Describing images. Place the image on the overhead. (This section of the lesson plan is especially useful for assignments 2 and 4, as students are gathering and writing about primary source data. Powerful, detailed, active description can make their papers more analytical, and I like to share this purpose with them.)
Students should spend 5 minutes simply DESCRIBING the image the instructor places on the overhead. However, they must use the verb of “to be” at lease once, preferably more, in every sentence. Tell them: Make lots expletive construction. Use passive voice. Choose static verbs. Students should swap papers around so that each student has a new paragraph, one they did not read. Students should attempt to eliminate every single verb of to be. Allow students ten minutes to rewrite the paragraphs using active verbs, active voice, and eliminating expletive construction.

(10-15 minutes) Closure: Have a few students read the two paragraphs aloud. What changed? What is the difference in the two paragraphs? Ask students who are having trouble fixing sentences to read them aloud. Write sentences on the board and, as a class, generate solutions to fix them. This is the prime time to discuss why students should employ the goals of this lesson, why active verbs and active voice create stronger writing.

Optional Extension Activity:

If students have drafts with them on this day, you can have peer groups read for not only macro-level issues (thesis, evolving claims, evidence, etc.) but also for sentence level revisions. Tell peer revisers to keep an eye out for “to be” verbs and either suggest revisions or simply make the author aware of them, especially when used in excess.

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